touchy, feely...

When two people get married they are bringing together all the many different aspects of who they are to a whole new union, a new family. They each bring in different aspects of who they are, and a big part of who they are is how they were raised and the habits they have.

For example, when we first got married I thought it was strange that Trevor insisted on putting the salt and pepper together on the top of the stove. It didn't really bother me per se, but I thought it was an odd place to put them.

Then one day while at my in-laws I was helping clean up after dinner when I noticed that they had their salt and pepper together on top of the stove. AHA! It all made sense now.

We individually develop little habits growing up, that we bring into our homes. Most of these go unnoticed, others become big problems for couples to work through. Another example is my frugal need to not waste anything, which actually has come back to bite me in the butt (or hand), and Trevor's easy ability to throw anything away.

One time we were washing dishes, and we had just opened up a brand new sponge. Trevor accidentally dropped it on the floor, and insisted that it was now filthy and needed be thrown away. I was raised that a "little dirt don't hurt" and thought this was ludicrous, I mean, it was a BRAND NEW sponge that you use to wash dirty dishes? I digress...

I grew up in an extremely touchy, feely home. I remember when I first realized this. After several sleepovers with friends, I realized they didn't kiss and hug as much as we did in our house. One time I had a friend come over and my friend saw my dad kiss me right on the lips. She was thoroughly disgusted, and to be honest, I had no clue why she had that reaction. She informed me that you DO NOT kiss your dad on the lips. That is gross.

Hmm, this had just always been my normal. We cuddle, we hug, we kiss. All of us. This is how my household was. Trevor's family is not nearly as touchy, feely as mine, so sometimes I wonder what it will be like with our kids. Will I be the super affectionate one? Will Trevor start following my suit? My Dad said in his family they never did those things, but he was totally like that with us.

Habits, traditions, ideals - they can be an interesting part of shaping a marriage and family - and I am really excited to see how ours shapes up :)

what is your intention?

One of my favorite bloggers to read is Raven from Don't Quote the Raven, she is opinionated and outspoken in all the ways that make you smirk, and I love it. I have been reading her for a long time now and have always loved how she just says it how it is - yet when you scrape away the sarcasm she is always still being a nice girl. There is a fine balance when it comes to opinions, critiques, and sarcasm - which can leave some women just looking like "mean girls" if they don't do it right.

This summer Raven wrote this blog post which mostly discussed how some people act when it comes to blogging, but it made me think about how women act toward each other in general, and what a problem we have among us. As women, shouldn't we be uplifting each other? Bringing each other up? Being kind?

Too often I feel that women just want to judge, critique, and talk about each other. I am by no means perfect in regards to this, we have all done this before. But this is something that has been on my mind the last few months, and I have really been reflecting on how I think about people, how I talk about them, and what my intentions are with the people I interact with. I mean, why is it so easy to judge or gossip about someone? Why do we do this to each other? All too often people mask their hateful words behind "their opinion" as if that somehow makes what they are saying appropriate or justified. Or when you think you are being "sassy" are you really just being rude?

While people have been talking crap about each other since the beginning of time, I feel the internet has made people feel like they can get away with saying whatever they want. They wouldn't say it directly to your face, but they have no problem saying it online, and hey, if they don't actually put who they are talking about, they aren't really being mean, right?

I once saw someone on twitter post, "If that diamond on your finger isn't a perfect D in color, you should re-evaluate. And not post pictures of it on facebook for me to judge."

Um ouch. I read this and thought, I hope the girl whose ring that is doesn't see this! I mean, usually the people on your facebook are your friends (or maybe they were just facebook stalking). So the fact that this person was talking about their "friend's" (or anyone's for that matter) ring just blows my mind. I mean, how sad.

Maybe this girl and her fiance couldn't afford the "best" ring, but she is still so happy, excited, and proud to be engaged and she wants to share it with everyone! And as her friend (or a decent person), shouldn't you just be excited for her? And why would someone care so much about something like this, enough to take the time to put it on twitter? If you didn't like her ring, just keep it to yourself, you don't need to go to the effort to say "how dare she be excited about getting engaged and put a picture of her "ugly" ring online." I mean, how much ruder can you get?

With all these thoughts running through my head about this person's comment, I had to stop and honestly admit to myself that I have had just as rude of thoughts about people. In fact I was having a rude thought about the person who had just posted that on twitter, what made me any better? I wasn't.

So what is our problem ladies? Why do we feel like we can say whatever thought we have about someone or something and then go a step further and put it online? Sure we all judge, we all have thoughts and opinions and we are entitled to those - HOWEVER it doesn't mean you have to share it, especially if it crosses the line into "mean girl" status.

I get it, finding that right balance of sharing your opinions and thoughts can be a toughie, but I think we should ask ourselves, "Am I saying this to be mean, or am I saying this to give input?" And what kind of input are we giving? Is it to help, make someone feel bad, or are we being rude? Granted some people are just sensitive to everything, and you can't control that, but we can control our intentions. What are our intentions? 

We don't all have to agree, we don't all have to get along and be best friends, but shouldn't we all be at least trying our best to be kind to one another? Don't people for the most part deserve that basic respect? And if at the end of the day you just don't like someone, then just don't have anything to do with them. There is no need to post mean things about them online, or tweet nasty remarks in attempts to make yourself feel better  - just smile and move on people.

And if we want to take the extra step, we can even try working on the thoughts we don't say out loud - because shouldn't we be accountable for those as well? This is my new goal, to constantly ask myself what my intentions are for saying something, and why I am thinking it. Here is to becoming better, I hope you will join me.

I would just like to end with this beautiful quote that says it a million times better then I ever could.

Elder Marvin J. Ashton beautifully observed...

“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

 ^{I love this quote, and am happy I found a cool graphic of it on Pinterest!}