Close to a year ago something happened with someone who I thought was becoming a friend that really affected me. I have actually been very surprised at how much it has affected me, and I guess this is a way for me to process it. The fact that it still bothers me, bothers me.
I responded to her message letting her know these feelings, and that I also felt like we had hardly spent anytime together for her to 1. Really know who I was as a person, and 2. To have the privilege of talking to me like that.
These were two girls I had just tried to get to know. I had been feeling lonely so I reached out and I invited them into my home. I was nothing but nice to them. Sure, maybe I talked too much, I tend to do that, especially when I am nervous. But instead of giving me another chance, or just moving on once they decided I wasn't a good "fit" for them, they decided to publicly be rude to me. It felt like someone had spit in my face.
But what was I doing? I am a grown woman and I let the words of two girls I hardly know make me cry?! I couldn't believe that I had made such an effort to befriend someone, and when they decided they didn't like me instead of just walking away and letting it go like normal people, they resorted to talking about me (publicly) on twitter.
At the end of the day everyone still wants to be liked. I have good intentions. But what I think bothers me the most about the situation is that I was genuinely trying to be nice and make friends, invited these girls into my home, and instead I got told all the things I need to work on. All the flaws in my personality. I felt very misunderstood, and judged by someone I hardly even knew.
Because the real problem that has developed is that ever since this happened, I have been extremely paranoid when I meet new people. Am I talking too much? Do they think I am annoying? I instantly have thoughts that people are not going to like me now. I have been second guessing everything.