TRUTHS...

A few weeks ago I was totally inspired by miss Bonnie, from the Life of Bon. We have only met a few times, but we have done some fun blog things together - and she will probably never want to do anything blog related with me again because of how many times I send incoherent e-mails and for the fact that I can never seem to manage everything I have going on in my life! :)

Bonnie wrote about what makes her love a blog. For her, it was an honest blogger, and then she proceeded to express some different "truths." I absolutely loved it. And it totally has inspired me to write down some of my own truths... so here we go...

+ I went to school to be a teacher. I wrote all about the experience as to why I am not teaching right now. While I feel very blessed and love what I am doing right now, I sometimes fear finishing up my teaching credentials and getting a Masters degree wont happen. Getting my Masters is something I really want for myself, but waiting for the right time can sometimes feel daunting. The whole idea of putting off your goals and dreams for what is best for your family can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes. It will all work out and be worth it, right? It has so far, so I guess I just need to trust more.

+ I am terrified at the thought of becoming a mother. I fear I won't ever get that feeling that I am "ready." I am afraid of everything surrounding it. I am afraid that I won't be able to get pregnant like my sister. I mean, how would I handle those feelings that come with infertility? I am not sure I would hold up so well. But with that said I am also afraid to get pregnant, because I am afraid of the physical aspect of pregnancy. And to top it off I am afraid of raising a child and what that will do to who I think I am now. I am just point blank afraid of it all, in all honesty.

+I hate being put into some box because of my religion. I don't feel like my religion does this, I feel like people within my religion and outside of my religion do this. I consider myself a progressive thinker, and hate being judged on the masses opinions. For example with the hot topic issue these days with gay marriage. Yes, my religion supports traditional marriage, but they also support agency. With our country dealing with issues of gay marriage I feel just by saying I am Mormon people feel like they already "know" what my stance is on the issue. I like to think that I can think outside of that box that I feel people place me in. What is my stance? My stance is that everyone can choose to live their life the way they want to. What do I propose? I propose we throw out the idea and the word "marriage" in how it relates to the government. I am always for less government involvement in our lives, especially our personal lives.

I feel like you can have whatever union you desire under your own organization, because let's be honest, if gay marriage didn't exist, it isn't like all of a sudden gay people are going to stop living together and being together. That is crazy! I think that the government should only recognize partnerships, and that you can put whoever you want as your partner. What if you are a 50 year old woman with cancer who has never been married? Maybe you want to choose to have your best friend in the hospital with you as you die?! For me this isn't a "gay" issue, it is an issue of how far we let the government go in defining our lives. If marriage as a word to me means between a man and a woman, then let that be what it means to me. The government shouldn't be able to tell me what it means either way. Then people can go get "married" wherever they want and there wouldn't be a tax right off, or incentive to be married. I could go on forever about the details of my ideas, I actually LOVE to have conversations about sociology, politics,  and those things that really matter. However I tend to keep this blog for more of the fun loving fluff.

+My brain runs a mile a minute and there are so many different things I want to accomplish and do in this life, and it seems almost impossible at times that I will be able to do them all. This kind of joins into my fear of dying young. I do not fear death, but I do fear dying young. I experienced my first sense of loss when my Brother's best friend died in a mountain climbing accident at the age of 19. I realized when I was 16 that I wanted to have the opportunity to grow old. I don't want to miss out on anything life has to offer me, and I think that is where I developed this need to "do it all."

+ I am my own worst critic. I expect a lot from myself and there have been nights where I just cry because I feel like I am not meeting those expectations. Failing. It can be really hard for me to remember that life is about progression and not "already being there." Any mean thing someone has said to me or thought about me I have already said a million times to myself.