Remember to be kind...

 Please excuse my goober of a smile in this picture haha

Things have been a little tense in the Crowley household. You see, Trevor is about to finish his first year of Law School. The notorious first year of Law School. The worst experience ever apparently. And I am here to say, that everything you hear about it, is absolutely true. 

While Trevor has been stressed with studying for Finals, I have been struggling with being alone all the time (which I better get used to, because Trevor will be leaving more for a month and a half this summer for an internship in Arizona!) I drop Trevor off at 8:30 every morning, I then go to work, I come home around 5:30, go to the gym, come home, eat dinner by myself, clean, etc. etc. Then around 10:00 P.M. I drive over the Law School to pick up Trevor, who has been at the Law School ALL DAY LONG. He usually has already eaten dinner by himself at the Law Library. He might grab a little something more to snack on, then plops himself on the couch and studies some more. If we are lucky, we will watch a show or something together for half an hour--keeping us up way later then we want to be up, but we just want some time together. So we wake up and start that routine again, but of course, extremely tired on top of it.

This schedule has been going on for awhile, and to say we are sometimes grumpy about it, is an understatement. He is stressed out with studying, pressure of grades and doing well, and being tired, while I am tired of working all day and coming home to, well, nothing. We have both been feeling very lonely lately, and the other day we had a dumb argument over something stupid (like most couples right?) We had just snapped. 

Isn't it ironic where arguments or bad feelings generate from sometimes? We were both just angry we haven't had much time together, and those frustrations turned into an argument. It doesn't make much sense now does it? We fought because we want to spend more time with each other? haha

While figuring out the balance during this stressful time hasn't always been smooth sailing, it has made our relationship stronger. We are in a result communicating better, and I am constantly being reminded to just be kind. This is my goal for the next year. I know some people start their New Years Resolutions at the beginning of the year, but I like to start mine whenever I feel the urge to make a change in my life. I want to be kinder. I want to be known as a kind person. I want to always be kind to my husband, friends, and those around me.

I am so thankful for the type of relationship I have with my husband, that even after a big fight, we can come together and resolve it, make our marriage stronger and continue forward. I can only imagine what a lifetime of this kind of transition and refinement can do for a couple, and people individually. I truly am looking forward to it. 

Together we are making each other better people, every day :)


88 comments

  1. Aw I love this. My hubby and I have fights about this too! So funny huh?! Hope you have happy day!! <3

    ~Eryka

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  2. I am not married but did go through law school and can reassure you that after the first year it gets WAAAYYYYY better so hang in there the worst is almost over.

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  3. Love this post. A good reminder on Monday :)
    thanks! xxx

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  4. Oh my goodness I can totally relate. My husband is in his first year of optometry school and he studies pretty much 24/7. I'm also in graduate school, but my classes aren't quite as taxing. We pretty much never see each other....and that often leads to arguments. But we bounce back pretty well too :) I know someday all of this schooling will be worth it. Hang in there!

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  5. i love this post,,
    and a good reminder for myself too

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  6. My husband and I went through this SAME THING a couple years back when he was traveling a lot for work. He would only be home on the weekends most weeks, and we would spend most of it fighting. Looking back, it was for the same reason you said- we were both just frustrated/stressed/tired of never seeing each other, and it weirdly resulted in us pushing each other away. Luckily, that stage of our life is over! Hang in there! Times like this are tough, but they don't last forever!

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  7. my manfriend and i are currently going through the same thing (but on a smaller scale since it isn't school)... i work from home and when he does his 8-5 thing, sometimes by the time he comes home, all i want to do is get out of the house. so we compromise on a lot of our evening activities.

    thanks for the reminder to be kind and i wish you and trevor the best and just remember, it's been said it gets better after the first year ;)

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  8. My Hubs just finished up Chiropractic school, so we know this routine well. Add in a toddler and that's our situation.
    You can do it, you're doing a fabulous job already!

    And the arguments. Oh the arguments! They get better, if you want them to. Coming up with a system or 'trigger' words so you know the other is hurt, tired, hungry, whatever is helpful. It at least allows the other party to not be blindsided. I was really good at blindsiding the hubs with silly (but not really silly) arguments.

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  9. being kind sounds so simple, but it is the most important thing you can do in any relationship. as a teacher it is my number one rule for EVERYONE in my classroom, but you made me realize that I don't always take it home to my man!

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  10. I hope you have made lots of new friends in Provo to keep you company and you aren't have a "Me Party" all day every day.

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  11. Ah I have this same schedule! It's crazy huh? I am looking forward to this summer when I'll see him for more than 30 minutes a day! And I like your being kind goal :)

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  12. Yep. My husband is in politics, so his schedule is out of control. He works from about 10:00 am to anywhere from 8:00 pm to 2:00 am every day (even Saturdays!). It is the worst schedule ever and I am a stay at home mom, so I feel really lonely a lot of the time.

    I just keep thinking/hoping that these crazy days will eventually pass...

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  13. I love this. And what a good resolution. I can't imagine having no time together. I hope next year is a little bit better. I am sure that your marriage will be so much stronger because of all this though!!

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  14. My husband has the exact same schedule right now! It sucks so bad, huh? I get so lonely and we don't know anyone in our complex so I don't even have any friends to go hang out with. I hate it and can't what for the end of finals. Love the insight of this post though. Always good to remember to be kind. :)
    xox Whitney

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  15. This is Jeff's FIRST year too!! I just sent him off with his pile of books early this morning. But he goes to work all day, then heads to night classes and is home around 11pm (3 nights a week and morning classes 2 days a week). And we JUST had the same, dumb argument over nothing yesterday. I can relate to everything you wrote. And you wrote it beautifully.

    One year (almost) down, 3 years to go! :)

    xo!

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  16. glad you're making it through, my brother is actually finishing up with his 3rd year in May & it's definitely been a stressor on his marriage! but they've made it through, and so will you!

    glad you're able to find at least a few moments to spend together!

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  17. You are so right! We should remember to be kind to one another in a marriage ... & it is so funny the things that we do argue about at times like wanting to spend more time together or things that will help your marriage get better! Like my husband and I had a big talk about religion the other day and it was to better our relationship with God, but it turned out to be more of an argument .. And so true, these types of discussions/arguments only bring us closer together and our marriage stronger!

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  18. So, so true! I'm with you on making my New Years resolutions whenever I feel the need to. =) There is a song by a lady named Carolyn Arrends called "New Years Day" that talks about that. Anywho, praying for your guys stressful season of life.
    Alesha <3

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  19. Such a great post. I had an encounter with a not so nice salesperson today and it made me want to be kinder too!

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  20. aww, alycia.. i feel you, except for us it's flip flopped right now with me finishing school. this semester is apparently the worst and THANK HEAVENS it's almost over. it's just about killed me.

    and it's hard because jay finished his masters last year and me being home almost felt more natural. jay feels like a housewife and i feel like a hardcore women, which is not normal for us.

    but we'll make it. and you'll make it, too. and even though sanctification is hard in marriage, it makes things a whole lot better in the long run.

    hang in there!

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  21. ahh i love this post. hang in there, you're right that it will get better and you'll be better for it!

    I just moved out to study at a uni really far from home, and far from my bf (we're both med students) so i only get to see him once a week, tops. i can definitely vouch for the stupid tired fights when both of us are so busy with study, work and trying to make time to just talk for 10 mins each day. And you realise at the end of it "I just want to spend some TIME with you!" It's hard! But hey, nothing worth having is easy to achieve I suppose! Soldier on :)

    WEMAKEPLANS

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  22. RESPECT!
    and this was so beautifully and honestly written.
    thank you for sharing !

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  23. I had a dream last night that I took the bar. And thought of you!

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  24. I love this! I totally know what you mean about fighting when you miss eachother, it is weird! I'm so happy for you and Trevor btw :) I remember our good old days of talking about relationships and what not at the PAC, and I wish we lived close enough to still do that! I think we should have a Skype date sometime, and add Kacey, and recreate those moments!

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  25. awww! its funny how being apart can make you appreciate things more and realize more the way you act towards each other.
    i have thought a lot about wanting to be more kind and wanting to be known as a kind person. its a great goal to strive for, for sure:)

    <3
    Kenzie

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  26. Yeah law school sucks. haha. It goes by quick though! My husband did an extra year of law school and he will FINALLY graduate May 18th! I CANNOT wait! HAHA.. THat's such a great reminder to be kind to one another! Thanks! Good luck!

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  27. Thank you for this! I remember going through this when my ex-boyfriend and I were doing a long distance relationship. Not having time together is so hard! Your words were inspiring.

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  28. I can completely relate to you on this! My husband an I are finishing up undergrad this semester (a little less stressful than law school) and it feels like with our schedules we never have time for each other :(

    People laugh at me when I say I am ready for the real world when we both will have 8-5 jobs!

    I hope that you get to enjoy sometime quality together before he has to go off for his internship!
    ~Clara

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  29. I can totally relate to this! In a long distance relationship it's even worse, because you can't even have a proper argument... someone will end the call and go offline and then it's a mess, but luckily I and my fiancé can sort things out even in tricky situations. The saying "you don't marry the one you can live with, you marry the one you can't live without" is so true in our case! :)

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  30. Your day, sounds just like mine! My husband will be gone for the entire Summer working so I feel ya on that one... Refreshing reminder to see that we all struggle with the same things and lack of time together during this little law journey. One year down... two to go!

    Amanda
    http://easy-life-blog.com/

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  31. So hard! But your attitude is perfect.

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  32. great post! hope the rest of his time in school flies by! when i was still in school it was pretty stressful on my husband and i, but it was good to try to learn to be content in all situations though. keep learning and being kind :)

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  33. great advice to be kind, even though it can be hard when the tension is high. I actually had a blowup with my beau last night for the same reasons - rotating schedules - ugh! But you're right about together we can weather anything. I needed to hear this message today - thank you!

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  34. this is so sweet. i love your outlook on life. your hubbys schedule is crazy! it will pay off in the long run tho!


    im having a fabulous giveaway, you should check it out!

    xo Kelly

    www.MessyDirtyHair.com

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  35. that would be so hard!! it is funny that sometimes we fight with our spouse because we are lacking quality time together. It should be the opposite but I think when we I feel not as "connected" with my husband I tend to not be as patient. I hope that you get to spend some time together soon!!

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  36. this was so well written, and so perfectly appropriate! I appreciate this little reminder to just be kind, y'all are precious and I wish you good luck during the next few years, you can do it :)

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  37. This is a great post! My husband is a law student too, but we kind of have the opposite set-up- I work from home, and he studies at home, so we are trying to figure out how to both work and be productive (and stressed) in a small space. I love your goal, I need to work on that too!

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  38. If there was a button to "like" this I would. This was very refreshing to read :)

    xo
    Rachel
    http://picklesandchapstick.blogspot.com/

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  39. Oh my gosh this is so true. We have been experiencing a similar situation at our house lately. And we usually try and solve it by making sure we have scheduled date nights to spend time together, but we are just so busy we can barely get those in! What's a wife to do? It's such a hard spot. Please keep us updated on how things are going! I'd love to learn what works for you two.

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  40. My fiance is in his second year of medical school and it is tough! You will get through it though :)!

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  41. All of that studying and lack of time together will totally be worth it when he graduates! Just stay strong!

    Oh, and I actually love your smile in this pic...it looks really genuine!
    Modern Modest Beauty

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  42. Love your honesty in this post! I can relate. I totally agree with you about making resolutions whenever we feel the urge of change. Moments like these are just little life lessons to show us what direction we need to grow in. :) I just set some resolutions with myself. Thanks so much for sharing!

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  43. Um. How did I get so lucky? I'm honored that you love my blog!! You're adorable and I also love your blog.

    ohpishposh.com

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  44. aww...sorry you're going through this tough phase right now...but you're absolutely right--use this time to make your marriage stronger--better seasons are ahead!

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  45. What a cute picture!
    Thank you for your comment, I'm following you, too <3

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  46. It must be so difficult. Can't imagine. I have a good friend going through the same thing with her husband in residency...except she has two babes!
    Hang in there chica! It will be over soon!

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  47. Thanks for being so honest and real. And for seeing the silver lining. I can totally relate. I do know that this WILL teach you to totally cherish each moment that you have together. :)

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  48. This was so good for me to read and remember how important it is to be a supportive wife. (Sometimes... I just wish life would stop so we could spend more time together!) Anyway, thanks for the reminder :)

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  49. My husbands and my schedule is close to this too. We are both in really demandins majors, both working, both trying to get internships, etc. It's really stressful. And we fight about this too. Its tough to find the balance. I really liked one of the talks in conference that said that being a wife/husband is your first calling (along with being a parent). It reminds me that it really needs to be a priority. Time needs to be spent together, even if it's small. Good luck to you guys :)

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  50. Where is your husband's summer internship? I work at a law firm in AZ and we have a pretty cool summer internship program, it'd be crazy if it was the same!

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  51. I completely identify with this. My husband is starting med school in the fall and to get some medical experience in before school starts he decided to work as a tech in the ER of our local hospital. I leave for work at 6:30am and get home usually around 5pm. He goes to work around 2pm and gets home from work a little after 11pm. Since I have to wake up so early, it's hard to stay up until he gets home. Since he gets to bed so late, it's hard to wake up before I head out the door for work in the morning. It has definitely been hard. I have my "ok I can do this, I'm independent" nights and then I have my "I'm so lonely, I wish you were here so bad" nights. We've gotten into the same kind of fights you and your husband have had just because we're both tired, stressed, and we miss each other. Reading your post was like reading something out of my life. It's always nice to find others who struggle with the same thing as you. Thanks for posting about this and reminding me to keep kindness and patience in mind.

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  52. Great message and a wonderful reminder. This is so true! Whenever I'm upset about something, my poor husband usually takes the brunt of it. I guess it's because I always know that he'll forgive me and love me that I lash out at him even when it's not about him. Not something I"m proud to admit, but I"m working on not doing this.

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  53. What a great post, I think all couples go through this at one time or another. As long as you communicate well you will be golden.

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  54. Ack! That is EXACTLY how I feel right now! I'm finishing an internship that has me leaving the house at 6:45am and not getting home until 7:00pm. Meanwhile, Lance is working 9:30am to 11pm. So our options are pretend we're single and live alone, or stay up too late/get up too early and see each other but be cranky all day. It's stinky. I just have to tell myself it will be worth it when it pays off later. I hope...

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  55. school is awful and great at the same time.

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  56. this post was such a good reminder! school & being engaged sometimes puts a lot of stress & my fiancé & i fight over the little things if we let it get to us. we have to keep reminding ourselves & each other that it's not worth fighting over!

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  57. It's crazy how many of us feel like we're in the exact same situation. School and marriage is tough. I love that what you wrote relates to so many of us. Thank you :)

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  58. You have such a great attitude about the whole thing, which i'm sure is helping immensely. Remember, law school isn't forever :)

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  59. this reminds me of the days my hubby was in school. i'm sorry your going through this! no fun. but it did really teach me how to be a better helpmate to him.

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  60. Sometimes I'm thankful each of us completed law school at different times, and when we weren't living together.

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  61. Sometimes it's hard to be kind when you're having a dumb argument. But then you laugh about it and move on.

    Hope you guys get to spend more quality time together, without the dumb arguments. :)

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  62. That's what marriage is really all about, figuring out life's balances & obstacles together :) I bet it's tough now but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And you're right trying to be kind sounds so easy but when life gets crazy and stressful our tongue tends to spiral out of control before we've realize what we've said.

    Wishing you a great rest of the week ;)

    Tara xo

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  63. Hey! I am your newest follower, and love your blog! I'd love for you to check mine out too. I understand what it's like to be married to a man who's always studying... mine's in medical school :)

    Diana
    www.picturesand1000words.blogspot.com

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  64. My husband is just finishing up his first year of med school, and his schedule sounds exactly like your husband's. It can definitely be difficult & tensions can grow, just like you described. But I think it's these challenges that help us to grow. I love your honesty and positive outlook on it too :)

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  65. The summer will go quickly, I am sure. =)

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  66. I know what you mean about being stressed and tired of not seeing each other, and then taking it out on each other with a silly argument.

    My husbands shift at work is changing (NOT our choice!) from regular office hours that I work (8am-5pm)to 2pm-10pm monday to friday...meaning I'll hardly see him all week :( It's really hard to think how we'll get to spend any time together so I hope it doesn't last long. Also doesn't help when you are trying to have a baby!

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  67. I love this. It's been so fun for me to notice the change and maturity that's happened in my marriage in the last 2.5 years. We still have a lot to learn, I'm sure, but it is definitely so important to always be kind (especially to your spouse).

    -Catherine
    FEST

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  68. i think everyone can relate to this... i loved this post. thanks for letting me stumble onto your blog. :)

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  69. What a wonderful resolution: to be kind. It's something I've tried to focus on in recent years and as a result I feel I have better relationships with others and with myself.

    Good luck getting through law school together!

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  70. Truuue that. Fighting cuz you wanna spend more time with each other = TRUUUE THAT. We have the same thing going on in our household, except, I am the one in school. We both work all day, then I go to school at night. On nights I'm not sitting in class, I am on the computer doing homework, or blogging...shh! haha But by 8:30pm hubs is ready to hit the hay (he gets up @ 4:00AM for work) and I am no where near ready for bed. This always ends up in a fight, and me saying things like, "ZAC! You need to support me when I am trying to do this school thing... I want very much to come to bed with you but when am I supposed to get this paper written/housecleaned/dishes washed/ laundry done?!?!" And then he says something like, "Oh, I suppose you think I do nothing around here?" And yady yady yada. It's a never ending cycle, and by the time I do finally hit the hay, we always apologize to each other. AND we remember, this is only temporary. Hang in there kiddo!

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  71. You are so strong, Alycia. You truly are and I can tell how strong your marriage is too from what you've written. Being alone in relationships [and especially in a marriage] really wears on me. It's so tough and often feels like the long periods of loneliness will never end.

    I'm so happy and inspired to hear that the two of you are doing your best to connect when you can. Thanks for this wonderful reminder! Sending you both lots of happy thoughts :)

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  72. I know how you feel! My husband is in military training right now and burns both ends of the stick working early and late. Sometimes it just feels like there aren't enough hours in the day for us to both be working and still get some good hanging out in. Thanks for the uplifting post though! I'm loving your blog. Consider me your newest follower!

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  73. Love your blog! So honest, and you have great style:)

    I can totally relate, my boyfriend is in his first year of veterinary school...makes for some lonely evenings and weekends.

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  74. Oye! I'm surprised at how many of us are in the same situation. My husband isn't in law school but he's taking 7 classes this semester. I work a crazy amout so our time together is precious & I wouldn't trade it for anything! It sucks to be lonely but thays why we all blog right? (Haha) After all this is just a season of our lives.

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  75. My husband and I have had two times like this during our 1 year and a half of marriage. One time only lasted 6 months. When we first got married (and while we were planning our wedding) Jamie was working 65-70 hours a week 4pm-4am and he had to drive an hour to work. I never saw him and I was stressed with wedding planning and then scared to live by myself with wedding planning. I spent some nights with my parents because I didn't want to be alone. Then of course my family moved out of state.. so my stress amounted. Jamie was also frustrated because all he did was work, no time for me, friends or any hobbies. We made it though!
    Maybe you could write letters (to me!) or another penpal that would understand and give you some kind words. Sometimes it's nice to have a handwritten letter that brightens a day, and it's nice to look forward to.

    Lots of love and prayers while you and trevor are learning to live the best way possible during this time in life.

    Elise

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  76. i am so happy everything worked sorry it has been so hard but i love you both and Alycia you are very kind and sweet and can not wait to spend more time with you!!

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  77. I can relate! At least you 2 are living together and can kiss one another goodnight :) The hubs and I went through all of (his) law school and studying for the bar while in a long distance relationship. Not. Fun.

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  78. we're like that freak couple who had no problems at all in law school and now that we're almost done (3 weeks!! ahhh!) we're freaking out. it was the best three years ever and we're soooo sad to see it (and the loans) end :(

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  79. Wow your post brought back so many memories of when my husband was in pharmacy school! His tough year was the second year and he would leave at 6 in the morning and sometimes not come home till 10pm a good part of the time. We already had two kids and I felt like a single mom all the time. Sometimes I wondered if there would ever be an end. It was tough on both of us and we had many tense moments. I had to remind myself often that is was gonna be worth it. Graduation day watching my husband walk was the best feeling in the world. I think I was in tears the whole day just remembering all we had been through to get there. Hang in there this chapter in your life will end and believe it or not it goes by quickly. I don't regret the craziness of the school years as it was such a growing period for us. Best advise I can give you is make time to go on dates with each other it helps a lot! Awe man sorry I wrote you a book! haha

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  80. My husband works a really stressful job and is in MBA grad school at night so I'm alone a lot so I completely understand what you're going through! Sometimes it's hard to look at the big picture but I try to remember that this too shall pass and that the rewards will out way the sacrifice in the end!

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  81. I know this is an old post but I just wanted to encourage you. Trevor is so lucky to have a wife who supports him through this. The first year of law school was literally the worst year of my life. I hope his second year was better for you and you got more attention!

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    Dr joy is a trust worthy spell caster and he will be of great help to you. I never believed in spell casting but After 4 years of marriage my husband left me because I lost my womb, and i was unable to give birth to children. I felt like my life has come to an end, and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time, but thanks to this spell caster called Dr joy whom i met online after my friend Becky Ross told me how he also helped her to bring back her husband in less than 2 days. I believed her and decided to give Dr joy a try and i contacted him on his email joylovespell@gmail.com. and explained my problems to him. He laughed and told me that In less than 2 days, my Husband will come back to me again, and that he will restore my womb and i will give birth to children. At first i thought it was a joke but i took courage and believed as Dr joy has said and it did happen just as this Great spell caster said, My husband called me and was crying, begging for forgiveness. I forgive him and today i am so glad that all worries and problems has gone away, and we are even happier than before, another good news is that i am pregnant now, and very soon we will have our baby. Dr joy is really a gifted and a powerful spiritual man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. I advice you all If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems just Contact Dr joy on his email on joylovespell@gmail.com. because he will always help you to solve all problems. Once again thank you Dr joy. Thank you, thank you.
    you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348100452479.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Really Work Fast,

    Contact him for Relationship/marital problem,

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