4.10.2012

Remember to be kind...

 Please excuse my goober of a smile in this picture haha

Things have been a little tense in the Crowley household. You see, Trevor is about to finish his first year of Law School. The notorious first year of Law School. The worst experience ever apparently. And I am here to say, that everything you hear about it, is absolutely true. 

While Trevor has been stressed with studying for Finals, I have been struggling with being alone all the time (which I better get used to, because Trevor will be leaving more for a month and a half this summer for an internship in Arizona!) I drop Trevor off at 8:30 every morning, I then go to work, I come home around 5:30, go to the gym, come home, eat dinner by myself, clean, etc. etc. Then around 10:00 P.M. I drive over the Law School to pick up Trevor, who has been at the Law School ALL DAY LONG. He usually has already eaten dinner by himself at the Law Library. He might grab a little something more to snack on, then plops himself on the couch and studies some more. If we are lucky, we will watch a show or something together for half an hour--keeping us up way later then we want to be up, but we just want some time together. So we wake up and start that routine again, but of course, extremely tired on top of it.

This schedule has been going on for awhile, and to say we are sometimes grumpy about it, is an understatement. He is stressed out with studying, pressure of grades and doing well, and being tired, while I am tired of working all day and coming home to, well, nothing. We have both been feeling very lonely lately, and the other day we had a dumb argument over something stupid (like most couples right?) We had just snapped. 

Isn't it ironic where arguments or bad feelings generate from sometimes? We were both just angry we haven't had much time together, and those frustrations turned into an argument. It doesn't make much sense now does it? We fought because we want to spend more time with each other? haha

While figuring out the balance during this stressful time hasn't always been smooth sailing, it has made our relationship stronger. We are in a result communicating better, and I am constantly being reminded to just be kind. This is my goal for the next year. I know some people start their New Years Resolutions at the beginning of the year, but I like to start mine whenever I feel the urge to make a change in my life. I want to be kinder. I want to be known as a kind person. I want to always be kind to my husband, friends, and those around me.

I am so thankful for the type of relationship I have with my husband, that even after a big fight, we can come together and resolve it, make our marriage stronger and continue forward. I can only imagine what a lifetime of this kind of transition and refinement can do for a couple, and people individually. I truly am looking forward to it. 

Together we are making each other better people, every day :)


85 comments:

  1. Aw I love this. My hubby and I have fights about this too! So funny huh?! Hope you have happy day!! <3

    ~Eryka

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am not married but did go through law school and can reassure you that after the first year it gets WAAAYYYYY better so hang in there the worst is almost over.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love this post. A good reminder on Monday :)
    thanks! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my goodness I can totally relate. My husband is in his first year of optometry school and he studies pretty much 24/7. I'm also in graduate school, but my classes aren't quite as taxing. We pretty much never see each other....and that often leads to arguments. But we bounce back pretty well too :) I know someday all of this schooling will be worth it. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i love this post,,
    and a good reminder for myself too

    ReplyDelete
  6. My husband and I went through this SAME THING a couple years back when he was traveling a lot for work. He would only be home on the weekends most weeks, and we would spend most of it fighting. Looking back, it was for the same reason you said- we were both just frustrated/stressed/tired of never seeing each other, and it weirdly resulted in us pushing each other away. Luckily, that stage of our life is over! Hang in there! Times like this are tough, but they don't last forever!

    ReplyDelete
  7. my manfriend and i are currently going through the same thing (but on a smaller scale since it isn't school)... i work from home and when he does his 8-5 thing, sometimes by the time he comes home, all i want to do is get out of the house. so we compromise on a lot of our evening activities.

    thanks for the reminder to be kind and i wish you and trevor the best and just remember, it's been said it gets better after the first year ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. My Hubs just finished up Chiropractic school, so we know this routine well. Add in a toddler and that's our situation.
    You can do it, you're doing a fabulous job already!

    And the arguments. Oh the arguments! They get better, if you want them to. Coming up with a system or 'trigger' words so you know the other is hurt, tired, hungry, whatever is helpful. It at least allows the other party to not be blindsided. I was really good at blindsiding the hubs with silly (but not really silly) arguments.

    ReplyDelete
  9. being kind sounds so simple, but it is the most important thing you can do in any relationship. as a teacher it is my number one rule for EVERYONE in my classroom, but you made me realize that I don't always take it home to my man!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hope you have made lots of new friends in Provo to keep you company and you aren't have a "Me Party" all day every day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ah I have this same schedule! It's crazy huh? I am looking forward to this summer when I'll see him for more than 30 minutes a day! And I like your being kind goal :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yep. My husband is in politics, so his schedule is out of control. He works from about 10:00 am to anywhere from 8:00 pm to 2:00 am every day (even Saturdays!). It is the worst schedule ever and I am a stay at home mom, so I feel really lonely a lot of the time.

    I just keep thinking/hoping that these crazy days will eventually pass...

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love this. And what a good resolution. I can't imagine having no time together. I hope next year is a little bit better. I am sure that your marriage will be so much stronger because of all this though!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. My husband has the exact same schedule right now! It sucks so bad, huh? I get so lonely and we don't know anyone in our complex so I don't even have any friends to go hang out with. I hate it and can't what for the end of finals. Love the insight of this post though. Always good to remember to be kind. :)
    xox Whitney

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is Jeff's FIRST year too!! I just sent him off with his pile of books early this morning. But he goes to work all day, then heads to night classes and is home around 11pm (3 nights a week and morning classes 2 days a week). And we JUST had the same, dumb argument over nothing yesterday. I can relate to everything you wrote. And you wrote it beautifully.

    One year (almost) down, 3 years to go! :)

    xo!

    ReplyDelete
  16. glad you're making it through, my brother is actually finishing up with his 3rd year in May & it's definitely been a stressor on his marriage! but they've made it through, and so will you!

    glad you're able to find at least a few moments to spend together!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are so right! We should remember to be kind to one another in a marriage ... & it is so funny the things that we do argue about at times like wanting to spend more time together or things that will help your marriage get better! Like my husband and I had a big talk about religion the other day and it was to better our relationship with God, but it turned out to be more of an argument .. And so true, these types of discussions/arguments only bring us closer together and our marriage stronger!

    ReplyDelete
  18. So, so true! I'm with you on making my New Years resolutions whenever I feel the need to. =) There is a song by a lady named Carolyn Arrends called "New Years Day" that talks about that. Anywho, praying for your guys stressful season of life.
    Alesha <3

    ReplyDelete
  19. Such a great post. I had an encounter with a not so nice salesperson today and it made me want to be kinder too!

    ReplyDelete
  20. aww, alycia.. i feel you, except for us it's flip flopped right now with me finishing school. this semester is apparently the worst and THANK HEAVENS it's almost over. it's just about killed me.

    and it's hard because jay finished his masters last year and me being home almost felt more natural. jay feels like a housewife and i feel like a hardcore women, which is not normal for us.

    but we'll make it. and you'll make it, too. and even though sanctification is hard in marriage, it makes things a whole lot better in the long run.

    hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  21. ahh i love this post. hang in there, you're right that it will get better and you'll be better for it!

    I just moved out to study at a uni really far from home, and far from my bf (we're both med students) so i only get to see him once a week, tops. i can definitely vouch for the stupid tired fights when both of us are so busy with study, work and trying to make time to just talk for 10 mins each day. And you realise at the end of it "I just want to spend some TIME with you!" It's hard! But hey, nothing worth having is easy to achieve I suppose! Soldier on :)

    WEMAKEPLANS

    ReplyDelete
  22. RESPECT!
    and this was so beautifully and honestly written.
    thank you for sharing !

    ReplyDelete
  23. I had a dream last night that I took the bar. And thought of you!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I love this! I totally know what you mean about fighting when you miss eachother, it is weird! I'm so happy for you and Trevor btw :) I remember our good old days of talking about relationships and what not at the PAC, and I wish we lived close enough to still do that! I think we should have a Skype date sometime, and add Kacey, and recreate those moments!

    ReplyDelete
  25. awww! its funny how being apart can make you appreciate things more and realize more the way you act towards each other.
    i have thought a lot about wanting to be more kind and wanting to be known as a kind person. its a great goal to strive for, for sure:)

    <3
    Kenzie

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeah law school sucks. haha. It goes by quick though! My husband did an extra year of law school and he will FINALLY graduate May 18th! I CANNOT wait! HAHA.. THat's such a great reminder to be kind to one another! Thanks! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thank you for this! I remember going through this when my ex-boyfriend and I were doing a long distance relationship. Not having time together is so hard! Your words were inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I can completely relate to you on this! My husband an I are finishing up undergrad this semester (a little less stressful than law school) and it feels like with our schedules we never have time for each other :(

    People laugh at me when I say I am ready for the real world when we both will have 8-5 jobs!

    I hope that you get to enjoy sometime quality together before he has to go off for his internship!
    ~Clara

    ReplyDelete
  29. I can totally relate to this! In a long distance relationship it's even worse, because you can't even have a proper argument... someone will end the call and go offline and then it's a mess, but luckily I and my fiancé can sort things out even in tricky situations. The saying "you don't marry the one you can live with, you marry the one you can't live without" is so true in our case! :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your day, sounds just like mine! My husband will be gone for the entire Summer working so I feel ya on that one... Refreshing reminder to see that we all struggle with the same things and lack of time together during this little law journey. One year down... two to go!

    Amanda
    http://easy-life-blog.com/

    ReplyDelete
  31. So hard! But your attitude is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  32. great post! hope the rest of his time in school flies by! when i was still in school it was pretty stressful on my husband and i, but it was good to try to learn to be content in all situations though. keep learning and being kind :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. great advice to be kind, even though it can be hard when the tension is high. I actually had a blowup with my beau last night for the same reasons - rotating schedules - ugh! But you're right about together we can weather anything. I needed to hear this message today - thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  34. this is so sweet. i love your outlook on life. your hubbys schedule is crazy! it will pay off in the long run tho!


    im having a fabulous giveaway, you should check it out!

    xo Kelly

    www.MessyDirtyHair.com

    ReplyDelete
  35. that would be so hard!! it is funny that sometimes we fight with our spouse because we are lacking quality time together. It should be the opposite but I think when we I feel not as "connected" with my husband I tend to not be as patient. I hope that you get to spend some time together soon!!

    ReplyDelete
  36. this was so well written, and so perfectly appropriate! I appreciate this little reminder to just be kind, y'all are precious and I wish you good luck during the next few years, you can do it :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. This is a great post! My husband is a law student too, but we kind of have the opposite set-up- I work from home, and he studies at home, so we are trying to figure out how to both work and be productive (and stressed) in a small space. I love your goal, I need to work on that too!

    ReplyDelete
  38. If there was a button to "like" this I would. This was very refreshing to read :)

    xo
    Rachel
    http://picklesandchapstick.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh my gosh this is so true. We have been experiencing a similar situation at our house lately. And we usually try and solve it by making sure we have scheduled date nights to spend time together, but we are just so busy we can barely get those in! What's a wife to do? It's such a hard spot. Please keep us updated on how things are going! I'd love to learn what works for you two.

    ReplyDelete
  40. My fiance is in his second year of medical school and it is tough! You will get through it though :)!

    ReplyDelete
  41. All of that studying and lack of time together will totally be worth it when he graduates! Just stay strong!

    Oh, and I actually love your smile in this pic...it looks really genuine!
    Modern Modest Beauty

    ReplyDelete
  42. Love your honesty in this post! I can relate. I totally agree with you about making resolutions whenever we feel the urge of change. Moments like these are just little life lessons to show us what direction we need to grow in. :) I just set some resolutions with myself. Thanks so much for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Um. How did I get so lucky? I'm honored that you love my blog!! You're adorable and I also love your blog.

    ohpishposh.com

    ReplyDelete
  44. aww...sorry you're going through this tough phase right now...but you're absolutely right--use this time to make your marriage stronger--better seasons are ahead!

    ReplyDelete
  45. What a cute picture!
    Thank you for your comment, I'm following you, too <3

    ReplyDelete
  46. It must be so difficult. Can't imagine. I have a good friend going through the same thing with her husband in residency...except she has two babes!
    Hang in there chica! It will be over soon!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thanks for being so honest and real. And for seeing the silver lining. I can totally relate. I do know that this WILL teach you to totally cherish each moment that you have together. :)

    ReplyDelete
  48. This was so good for me to read and remember how important it is to be a supportive wife. (Sometimes... I just wish life would stop so we could spend more time together!) Anyway, thanks for the reminder :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. My husbands and my schedule is close to this too. We are both in really demandins majors, both working, both trying to get internships, etc. It's really stressful. And we fight about this too. Its tough to find the balance. I really liked one of the talks in conference that said that being a wife/husband is your first calling (along with being a parent). It reminds me that it really needs to be a priority. Time needs to be spent together, even if it's small. Good luck to you guys :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Where is your husband's summer internship? I work at a law firm in AZ and we have a pretty cool summer internship program, it'd be crazy if it was the same!

    ReplyDelete
  51. I completely identify with this. My husband is starting med school in the fall and to get some medical experience in before school starts he decided to work as a tech in the ER of our local hospital. I leave for work at 6:30am and get home usually around 5pm. He goes to work around 2pm and gets home from work a little after 11pm. Since I have to wake up so early, it's hard to stay up until he gets home. Since he gets to bed so late, it's hard to wake up before I head out the door for work in the morning. It has definitely been hard. I have my "ok I can do this, I'm independent" nights and then I have my "I'm so lonely, I wish you were here so bad" nights. We've gotten into the same kind of fights you and your husband have had just because we're both tired, stressed, and we miss each other. Reading your post was like reading something out of my life. It's always nice to find others who struggle with the same thing as you. Thanks for posting about this and reminding me to keep kindness and patience in mind.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Great message and a wonderful reminder. This is so true! Whenever I'm upset about something, my poor husband usually takes the brunt of it. I guess it's because I always know that he'll forgive me and love me that I lash out at him even when it's not about him. Not something I"m proud to admit, but I"m working on not doing this.

    ReplyDelete
  53. What a great post, I think all couples go through this at one time or another. As long as you communicate well you will be golden.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Ack! That is EXACTLY how I feel right now! I'm finishing an internship that has me leaving the house at 6:45am and not getting home until 7:00pm. Meanwhile, Lance is working 9:30am to 11pm. So our options are pretend we're single and live alone, or stay up too late/get up too early and see each other but be cranky all day. It's stinky. I just have to tell myself it will be worth it when it pays off later. I hope...

    ReplyDelete
  55. school is awful and great at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  56. this post was such a good reminder! school & being engaged sometimes puts a lot of stress & my fiancé & i fight over the little things if we let it get to us. we have to keep reminding ourselves & each other that it's not worth fighting over!

    ReplyDelete
  57. It's crazy how many of us feel like we're in the exact same situation. School and marriage is tough. I love that what you wrote relates to so many of us. Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. You have such a great attitude about the whole thing, which i'm sure is helping immensely. Remember, law school isn't forever :)

    ReplyDelete
  59. this reminds me of the days my hubby was in school. i'm sorry your going through this! no fun. but it did really teach me how to be a better helpmate to him.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Sometimes I'm thankful each of us completed law school at different times, and when we weren't living together.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Sometimes it's hard to be kind when you're having a dumb argument. But then you laugh about it and move on.

    Hope you guys get to spend more quality time together, without the dumb arguments. :)

    ReplyDelete
  62. That's what marriage is really all about, figuring out life's balances & obstacles together :) I bet it's tough now but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And you're right trying to be kind sounds so easy but when life gets crazy and stressful our tongue tends to spiral out of control before we've realize what we've said.

    Wishing you a great rest of the week ;)

    Tara xo

    ReplyDelete
  63. Hey! I am your newest follower, and love your blog! I'd love for you to check mine out too. I understand what it's like to be married to a man who's always studying... mine's in medical school :)

    Diana
    www.picturesand1000words.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  64. My husband is just finishing up his first year of med school, and his schedule sounds exactly like your husband's. It can definitely be difficult & tensions can grow, just like you described. But I think it's these challenges that help us to grow. I love your honesty and positive outlook on it too :)

    ReplyDelete
  65. The summer will go quickly, I am sure. =)

    ReplyDelete
  66. I know what you mean about being stressed and tired of not seeing each other, and then taking it out on each other with a silly argument.

    My husbands shift at work is changing (NOT our choice!) from regular office hours that I work (8am-5pm)to 2pm-10pm monday to friday...meaning I'll hardly see him all week :( It's really hard to think how we'll get to spend any time together so I hope it doesn't last long. Also doesn't help when you are trying to have a baby!

    ReplyDelete
  67. I love this. It's been so fun for me to notice the change and maturity that's happened in my marriage in the last 2.5 years. We still have a lot to learn, I'm sure, but it is definitely so important to always be kind (especially to your spouse).

    -Catherine
    FEST

    ReplyDelete
  68. i think everyone can relate to this... i loved this post. thanks for letting me stumble onto your blog. :)

    ReplyDelete
  69. What a wonderful resolution: to be kind. It's something I've tried to focus on in recent years and as a result I feel I have better relationships with others and with myself.

    Good luck getting through law school together!

    ReplyDelete
  70. Truuue that. Fighting cuz you wanna spend more time with each other = TRUUUE THAT. We have the same thing going on in our household, except, I am the one in school. We both work all day, then I go to school at night. On nights I'm not sitting in class, I am on the computer doing homework, or blogging...shh! haha But by 8:30pm hubs is ready to hit the hay (he gets up @ 4:00AM for work) and I am no where near ready for bed. This always ends up in a fight, and me saying things like, "ZAC! You need to support me when I am trying to do this school thing... I want very much to come to bed with you but when am I supposed to get this paper written/housecleaned/dishes washed/ laundry done?!?!" And then he says something like, "Oh, I suppose you think I do nothing around here?" And yady yady yada. It's a never ending cycle, and by the time I do finally hit the hay, we always apologize to each other. AND we remember, this is only temporary. Hang in there kiddo!

    ReplyDelete
  71. You are so strong, Alycia. You truly are and I can tell how strong your marriage is too from what you've written. Being alone in relationships [and especially in a marriage] really wears on me. It's so tough and often feels like the long periods of loneliness will never end.

    I'm so happy and inspired to hear that the two of you are doing your best to connect when you can. Thanks for this wonderful reminder! Sending you both lots of happy thoughts :)

    ReplyDelete
  72. I know how you feel! My husband is in military training right now and burns both ends of the stick working early and late. Sometimes it just feels like there aren't enough hours in the day for us to both be working and still get some good hanging out in. Thanks for the uplifting post though! I'm loving your blog. Consider me your newest follower!

    ReplyDelete
  73. Love your blog! So honest, and you have great style:)

    I can totally relate, my boyfriend is in his first year of veterinary school...makes for some lonely evenings and weekends.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Oye! I'm surprised at how many of us are in the same situation. My husband isn't in law school but he's taking 7 classes this semester. I work a crazy amout so our time together is precious & I wouldn't trade it for anything! It sucks to be lonely but thays why we all blog right? (Haha) After all this is just a season of our lives.

    ReplyDelete
  75. My husband and I have had two times like this during our 1 year and a half of marriage. One time only lasted 6 months. When we first got married (and while we were planning our wedding) Jamie was working 65-70 hours a week 4pm-4am and he had to drive an hour to work. I never saw him and I was stressed with wedding planning and then scared to live by myself with wedding planning. I spent some nights with my parents because I didn't want to be alone. Then of course my family moved out of state.. so my stress amounted. Jamie was also frustrated because all he did was work, no time for me, friends or any hobbies. We made it though!
    Maybe you could write letters (to me!) or another penpal that would understand and give you some kind words. Sometimes it's nice to have a handwritten letter that brightens a day, and it's nice to look forward to.

    Lots of love and prayers while you and trevor are learning to live the best way possible during this time in life.

    Elise

    ReplyDelete
  76. i am so happy everything worked sorry it has been so hard but i love you both and Alycia you are very kind and sweet and can not wait to spend more time with you!!

    ReplyDelete
  77. I can relate! At least you 2 are living together and can kiss one another goodnight :) The hubs and I went through all of (his) law school and studying for the bar while in a long distance relationship. Not. Fun.

    ReplyDelete
  78. we're like that freak couple who had no problems at all in law school and now that we're almost done (3 weeks!! ahhh!) we're freaking out. it was the best three years ever and we're soooo sad to see it (and the loans) end :(

    ReplyDelete
  79. Wow your post brought back so many memories of when my husband was in pharmacy school! His tough year was the second year and he would leave at 6 in the morning and sometimes not come home till 10pm a good part of the time. We already had two kids and I felt like a single mom all the time. Sometimes I wondered if there would ever be an end. It was tough on both of us and we had many tense moments. I had to remind myself often that is was gonna be worth it. Graduation day watching my husband walk was the best feeling in the world. I think I was in tears the whole day just remembering all we had been through to get there. Hang in there this chapter in your life will end and believe it or not it goes by quickly. I don't regret the craziness of the school years as it was such a growing period for us. Best advise I can give you is make time to go on dates with each other it helps a lot! Awe man sorry I wrote you a book! haha

    ReplyDelete
  80. My husband works a really stressful job and is in MBA grad school at night so I'm alone a lot so I completely understand what you're going through! Sometimes it's hard to look at the big picture but I try to remember that this too shall pass and that the rewards will out way the sacrifice in the end!

    ReplyDelete
  81. I know this is an old post but I just wanted to encourage you. Trevor is so lucky to have a wife who supports him through this. The first year of law school was literally the worst year of my life. I hope his second year was better for you and you got more attention!

    ReplyDelete

  82. Hello to the viewers on this site i have found a real spell caster (Dr Brave).

    My name is Kelsey Jordan from Canada and I have been married to my husband for 24 years and live with him for 4 years before our marriage which made it all total of 28 years together. we have a wonderful daughter who we both love dearly, my husband went to work in New York because he could not find work in our home state. while I was the only one working and taking care of our child back here in NC and was preparing to move down to NY so she could school at Stony Brook University and we all would be together again, then I found out that he is cheating on me, when I confront him he lied and lied over and over again, and he keep on telling me that I need help that some thing is wrong with me and he is there to work and to keep us happy and making preparation for us to move, and I only accusing him, until one day when my husband's sister called and told me everything I was saying for 18 months and that my husband is having an affair with her cousin and it's hurt her to see all this because I was the one suffering from all this, but he keep on denied all of it. till when i saw a testimony online were Dr.Brave stop someone husband from cheating on his wife and I also contacted him for help because I had no other choice, after I wrote him i was told what was wrong with my husband that make him cheat on me all the time and that he have been doing this for a very long time even before he left NC for NY, funny enough Dr.Brave told me that it will not take more than three days, that after the spell have been casted that my husband will change totally and show me love like never before and that he has the money to make preparation for us to come over to NY to join him, but he have refused because of his cheating habits, and to my surprise it all happened exactly the same way he had said it would three days after the spell was casted. My husband called me asking for forgiveness and told me that all my suspicion was correct and that he was sorry for everything he had done in the past and that he would start with the preparation for us to come down to NY to meet him with our daughter asap, now i having a wonderful marriage today because of Dr.Brave, I and my husband are now living happily together with our daughter in Ny and he have change totally, he now show me love, buy gifts when coming back from work and take care of me and the daughter like never before. i will always share this testimony to the whole world, so that anybody out there with the same problem can be saved, if you need any help in your marriage life you can contact Dr.Brave on his private mail.. bravespellcaster@gmail.com, he will help you out, there's nothing too big for him.

    ReplyDelete

Howdy Ho :) Thanks for stopping by my blog! I have enabled the forum feature on my comments so we can all interact in conversation. So if you leave a question, look back for a reply!