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crowley party

touchy, feely...

Posted on: 11.19.2012


When two people get married they are bringing together all the many different aspects of who they are to a whole new union, a new family. They each bring in different aspects of who they are, and a big part of who they are is how they were raised and the habits they have.

For example, when we first got married I thought it was strange that Trevor insisted on putting the salt and pepper together on the top of the stove. It didn't really bother me per se, but I thought it was an odd place to put them.

Then one day while at my in-laws I was helping clean up after dinner when I noticed that they had their salt and pepper together on top of the stove. AHA! It all made sense now.

We individually develop little habits growing up, that we bring into our homes. Most of these go unnoticed, others become big problems for couples to work through. Another example is my frugal need to not waste anything, which actually has come back to bite me in the butt (or hand), and Trevor's easy ability to throw anything away.

One time we were washing dishes, and we had just opened up a brand new sponge. Trevor accidentally dropped it on the floor, and insisted that it was now filthy and needed be thrown away. I was raised that a "little dirt don't hurt" and thought this was ludicrous, I mean, it was a BRAND NEW sponge that you use to wash dirty dishes? I digress...

I grew up in an extremely touchy, feely home. I remember when I first realized this. After several sleepovers with friends, I realized they didn't kiss and hug as much as we did in our house. One time I had a friend come over and my friend saw my dad kiss me right on the lips. She was thoroughly disgusted, and to be honest, I had no clue why she had that reaction. She informed me that you DO NOT kiss your dad on the lips. That is gross.

Hmm, this had just always been my normal. We cuddle, we hug, we kiss. All of us. This is how my household was. Trevor's family is not nearly as touchy, feely as mine, so sometimes I wonder what it will be like with our kids. Will I be the super affectionate one? Will Trevor start following my suit? My Dad said in his family they never did those things, but he was totally like that with us.

Habits, traditions, ideals - they can be an interesting part of shaping a marriage and family - and I am really excited to see how ours shapes up :)

46 little notes:

  1. This really has me thinking about my own marriage. My husband was sooo not affectionate until he met me. Now he's more cuddly than I am! I think it still surprises his parents.

    Makes me wonder what we'll be like with our kids.

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    1. funny how habits and things can change within the marriage too huh? love it. I am sure he will cuddle your kids like crazy!

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  2. We put the salt and pepper on our stove too! This really makes me think, even though I'm no where near having a family. I wonder what it will be like.

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  3. Ha. Trav's family never cuddles, kisses, or says I love you- but we do all the time. We cover Alaina in kisses, blow raspberries on her tummy, and tell her we love her at least a million times a day. They all think we're disgusting.

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  4. omg, this post is so true!

    haha, my husband never replaces the toilet paper in its rightful place. i never understand. he will get it but for some reason he will leave it on the sink on top of the toilet but just not in its holder.

    i went to his parent's house one day and saw that they do the exact same thing. hahaha. it is amazing the habits we do pick up from our families.

    loved reading this post :)

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    1. that is the best! haha yes, the more we pay attention the more you see too, it is crazy!

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  5. hahaha interesting. my families kind of the same way, i mean my mom just hugs everyone, and ryans family is not so much. i mean he has 3 sisters so they've all i feel like become touchy feeling, but when ryan went and saw my family for the first time i remember my mom being like, we'll work on your hugging ryan. hahah.

    K

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  6. this is so true! two families coming together, I think the best is to meet each other in the middle; my family is so different from my husband's family and sometimes is hard but we all try to respect each other and it has been working pretty well :)

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  7. Sponge story cracked me up! Perfectly good sponge! I wonder and often think about the same things regarding families. It becomes more evident as the holiday season rolls around. Fun and sometimes not so fun things to work through. ;)

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  8. You said it perfect! This is exactly how it is with my husband and I. VERY interesting to think of what it will be like with our own little family.

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  9. This is SO true! My husband and I grew up in totally different homes. I grew up in a warm, affectionate home and my husband grew up in a more distant environment where people just sort of keep to themselves and/or sit in silence together. We had some huge fights when we were unpacking our kitchen. I wanted my kitchen just like my mom's and he wanted (my) our kitchen just like his mom's. Haha!

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    1. Too funny about the kitchens! Trevor and I use to get into debates about how to load the dishwasher... oh my gosh the dumbest arguments ever now that I look back hahaha

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  10. It is so interesting to learn the different love languages we all have- I think one of mine is talking A LOT. And my husband's is listening A LOT. How convenient.

    www.livwrites.com

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  11. Haha I love the salt and pepper story! I know exactly what you mean! It's exciting to watch the future develop you each will bring different parts of each other to your kids and you'll create YOUR traditions together. So fun to think about.

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  12. I love this. I am going to need to ponder on what little things Derek and I bring in to our home because of our upbringing. I know I get my high levels of stress from my dad but I am looking forward to really searching out the traditions and quirks that will make our family ours. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. I love this post! I have to remind myself about these "traditions" since my boyfriend and I come from very (VERY) different backgrounds; but this post put that into better perspective. Especially when it comes to the "touchy, feely" since my relationship is balanced about the same as yours. The boy needs a reminder sometimes that kisses can be the best medicine (but not on the mouth when contagious, of course!). The advice from your dad is interesting too, because two people's traditions will morph to create many new family traditions!

    <3 Casey

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  14. So very true! It's important to be sensitive to each other and our family traditions/habits and differences. Outside of a few things, my family and how I was raised could't be more different than my in-laws. I think the touchy feely thing shouldn't be too much of a concern until you have a little one...you never know how Trevor will react to being a dad and whether or not he will want to spend all day snuggling and kissing.

    Xo, Courtney
    shabbyloveschic.com

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  15. I love this post! I have been thinking about this lately because my boyfriend and my families are meeting for the first time over Thanksgiving and they are both SO very different. So I'm interested to see what things we both keep and what traits we lose as we become one family.

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  16. My husband and I DEFINITELY have our different little habits as well. There are a lot of funny looks towards each other when we discover them one by one. I love learning his though.... makes our marriage so much more interesting. :)

    xoxo
    Liesl

    woodsy-soiree.blogspot.com

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  17. What a great post! I think everyone how is married can relate! Thanks for sharing!
    Kal
    www.kalleemae.blogspot.com

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  18. Oh my goodness! My husband's family is opposite of mine and sometimes I struggle with it. Mostly because we live in his home so it is always how they do things and Inor much compromising or meshing. But I have also learned a lot, and better ways to do things. So it really is okay. :) I won't die living their lifestyle, I've come to realize. Ha

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  19. haha we're the same way! My family is super affectionate (verbally as well), we hug and kiss on the lips. I never went through that junior high phase where I wouldn't hold my dad's hand or kiss him! Steve's family isn't like that at all- then, the first time we went back home after we were married my Grandma planted one on him...right on the lips! So funny!

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    1. right on his lips?! TOO GREAT! haha talk about just throwing him right into the water with that one haha :)

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  20. love this post!!! lol, families are so different! my family was def not a kiss on the lips type, but radcliff better know i will ALWAYS be kissing him on the lips!!!

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  21. fun post! i love hearing about my parents when they were younger... apparently they were total opposites, but somehow they've meshed to be more alike now! strange :)

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  22. I've thought a lot about this and it is so interesting! I definitely don't have the urge to be affectionate or touchy/feely with Trevor but I'm sure you've noticed I LOVE to be that way with Eric! Maybe part of that is because we weren't like that growing up? But it's totally natural and normal for me to feel that way towards Eric.... not something I have to work at. And I have no doubt that I'll be very affectionate towards my kids! And Eric's parents are very affectionate towards each other, but NOT the kids. But the way Eric is just with the pregnancy, he won't be able to get enough lovin' on our baby girl! But I don't think we'll be kissing our kids on the lips. That one is still a little different for me :) Not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just different ha.

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  23. And it's so funny that no matter how long you have been together, you will still find these little habits sneaking up. My husband comes from an extremely non-touchy family while mine is quite the opposite. Thankfully though, he is the one that broke the mold. I can just feel his family cringe as we kiss and cuddle openly in their house yikes!

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  24. my family has always been huggers and cheek-kissers, but never on-the-lips-kissers. not even when we were little kids. it is interesting to see how different families can be. i think my husband's family is pretty similar to my family in terms of affection, so i think we'll be the same with our kids..i don't think we'll kiss our kids on the lips since we didn't grow up that way, not that there's anything wrong with it - just like you said we weren't really raised that way so it seems different to us. oh, and i totally keep the salt and pepper on the top of the stove! :)

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    1. Well the lip kissing did take a notch down from when we were little, but it still happens on the occasion :) &I don't really mind it, it is a peck! haha

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  25. I also grew up in a very touchy, feely home and my husband didn't - they're actually very reserved but idk, I'll probably be all touchy feely with our kids because that's just the way I work haha

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  26. It really is fun making your own family. Bringing the good..leaving the bad-- and the holidays are the best time to make new discoveries:)

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    1. The holidays are THE best! I can't wait to make my own family traditions :)

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  27. I grew up in a touchy feely family. The hubs? Not so much. The first time I met his brother, we all went to an Improv show together. My husband (boyfriend at the time) put his arm around me during the show and his brother chewed him out about inappropriate displays of affection.

    But my husband loves how touchy feely my family is, and he's already very affectionate with our son.

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    1. My dad came from the same kind of family and he is the most affectionate guy I know :) haha

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  28. I love reading things like this. It was the opposite with us. My family is not touchy feely but Vito's family? Very much so. Immediate and extended included. They all hug everyone and at first, I was so confused. I like my personal space and I just met you guys, back up! By now, I am use to it. And us as a couple? I've adopted the touchy-feely ways!

    Also, my grandparents, my mom, and my sister all keep the salt and pepper on the back of the stove. We can't because they'd fall off. 8)

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    1. Love this Vanessa :) Oh and Trevor likes them on the actual stove top int he middle!? haha So strange!

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  29. Is that why I can't throw things out?! ������

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  30. I once told my friends that going to another person's house is like going to another country and that each family has their own little culture!

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