Coming Full Circle

Car Seat Cover: C/O Milk Snob Head Band: (Gift) Sweet Goldie Girl

October is one of my favorite months of the year, if not my favorite. I love fall, especially here in Utah, and I love Halloween! Last Halloween though was a pretty downer holiday for me. I wrote in greater detail about it all HERE, but to sum it up, Trevor and I had just started trying for a baby a few months prior, and after experiencing a chemical pregnancy in September, it was now October and I knew I was pregnant. Well at least I thought I did. I didn't have any of the signs as before, except for the fact that my period was over a week late. I work like clock work, so this seemed sign enough for me. I had an adorable pumpkin display ready for Trevor to make the big announcement just after I took a pregnancy test. Which was negative. I later learned I never ovulated in October. Of course I was upset, my whole pumpkin display and day in general was a bust. We had waited almost a whole year to start trying to have a baby, and now we were experiencing these set backs. I have had several people close to me in my life struggle with infertility, so I felt even dumber for being sad about it, which just added to my bummer mood. We did end up salvaging that day with a great night out together, and not too long after all of this Ella was conceived. 

The other night Trevor and I were talking about how crazy it is the love you have for your child. We are both so protective of her, obsessed with her, grateful for her. Overnight this little soul and person just became our everything and main priority. "Do you remember last Halloween?" I asked him, while he hung up his dress shirt from the day. "I remember finding those pumpkins later, and how we held onto our baby pumpkin for awhile," he responded with a smile on his face. We both couldn't wrap our minds around how in just a year we now had this new little baby that was all ours. We talked about how timing works, God's timing, and how this beautiful human being that is our daughter wouldn't have been the same person had I been pregnant in October. How everything lines up just so to create our destiny. Growing up I always wanted to be a mother and I would try and imagine what it would be like... and man... you can't even come close to imagining it until you experience it. 

I thought it would be appropriate to share the last portion of that blog post from earlier this year, because it is a lesson I am reminded of almost daily now, and especially when I look at my little girl's face.

I realize how fortunate I am, and I am feeling very blessed right now. But I will never forget what I learned along the way. Take a deep breath and know that everything will work itself out the way it is supposed to. Things might not happen the way you want them to, or how you thought it would or should. We only have so much control, so you just need to enjoy YOUR unique and specific life journey, whatever it may be, and know that even in your lows, you can be happy and enjoy life, XO

8 comments

  1. Thanks for this. I just miscarried our first baby. We were going to do a Halloween announcement as well. Now we are trying to discern when we should try for another and worrying about the timing. Thanks for your perspective.

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  2. This post made me cry! What a beautiful perspective...I will be sharing with a friend who is going through similar disappointment right now.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

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  3. Oh my goodness you have really come full circle and now pumpkins have such a special meaning!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  4. I just really enjoyed this post, that's all.

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  5. Thanks for the sweet post Alycia! We still are in our infertility journey. 😟 Yes I still need to enjoy the journey!

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  6. This is a great lesson. I tend to live by very strict plans and get pretty bummed out if things don't go the way I envisioned them. But this is definitely one of those things that is out of our control. You're absolutely right that we need to enjoy life no matter what it throws our way!

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  7. needed to hear that today, so badly! :'( Thanks Alycia!

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