On Letting It Happen...

I am a planner. From a young age I had it all laid out, how my life would look that is. In a lot of ways my life has just begun, but for all that has happened so far, things didn't go exactly as planned. While I have hit the mile stones and goals I wanted for myself, the details along the way were different then I had expected they would be. It must be true what they say about you making plans and God laughing, because at the end of the day we are all going to get the experiences on this earth that we need, and that he wants for us. I have had very profound moments in my life where God completely derailed and halted my plans, and while that seemed devastating at the moment, I can look back now and thank him. I don't think I can thank him enough actually.

It can be so difficult to remember that everything happens in God's timing. What we think we want or need, is not always what is meant for us. For example, I have been raised in a culture that puts such a huge emphasis on families and raising children, and I have always wanted that. I think I get a little too caught up into the culture of my religion sometimes because it is hard not to compare. Both of mine and Trevor's parents were almost done having all of their kids by our age, so while we look incredibly young to the outside world, in my reality, I feel like I am little older. I know how illogical that thinking is, but it is how I feel and I have tried very hard to break that mind set. We each have our own unique story and experience in life and I can't base my life on how others did things. I know that I have made every decision in my life based on that spirit guiding me.

2014 was a rough year for a variety of reasons. I wouldn't describe myself as an anxious person, in fact I would say I am usually the polar opposite of an anxious person. But in 2014 certain things happened that caused me to develop anxiety in a way I had never experienced or knew existed, and it was incredibly challenging to move forward. It took months, but once I was able to let go of the fact that I couldn't control other people's decisions, things my body was (or wasn't) doing, what happened to me, just everything, that anxiety began to dissipate and I started to feel like my old self again. Seriously, the second I let myself just decide to let life happen, just let the cards fall where they may, everything changed. Just like that.

I had been wasting so much of my energy and emotions on things that I couldn't control. Once I relearned how to embrace the journey God was going to set me on, I became happier again. I got my pep back! It wasn't that things instantly turned around or changed, but how I viewed them changed, and it made all the difference. I hope I can remember this in the future when life or people let me down, so I don't get wrapped up in that anxiety again! It is crazy how you can have it all together and somehow forget all the things you already knew and had learned. Life seems to be full of constant repetitive lessons doesn't it?!

I have learned to let the Spirit guide my life, and to accept what God wants for me in this life. I have truly learned to let go, and just be happy. Last year was one of my toughest years I have had, but it was also the year of the most growth for me. I guess that is what God had in mind the whole time. I want to make a point to focus on "letting it happen" this year, to have faith in God and live my life to the fullest without worrying or stressing over the things that happen. There is a popular phrase in the LDS community that says, "Come What May, and Love It" - Joseph B. Wirthlin, this is what I learned in 2014, and what I hope to bring into 2015.

I love my life, with all the highs and lows. I wrote this post because I do look at my blog as a journal, but also for anyone else out there reading who is in their low right now. You are not alone! Take a deep breath and know that everything will work itself out the way it is supposed to. Enjoy YOUR unique and specific life journey, whatever it may be, and know that even in your lows, you can be happy and enjoy life, XO.