what five years together looks like...


The other night while my hands were covered in some scrumptious parmesan and garlic sauce I realized mid bite of a delicious chicken wing that my husband had changed. 

It wasn't a bad change or even a good change, it was just... a change. A small fraction of a shift into a different version of him that I have always known, or I guess, how I have always thought I have known him.

But in that same moment that I realized he had changed I confessed to myself almost instantaneously that I too have changed. Change is inevitable.

Life is about progression, and to progress, change needs to happen. Sometimes change can be hard, but it almost always makes us stronger people and better people. I usually welcome change in all forms because I get bored easily, but when it comes to your marriage change can seem scarier. Your lives are intertwined. You are a team.

It was a casual night, even though we were celebrating our four year wedding anniversary, I mean, we were eating chicken wings for goodness sake! We are pretty classy folks ;) Although casual, our conversation was deep and personal. A review on our five years together, on our marriage and our future. We talked for hours.

I got married young, and one concern someone mentioned to me was, "But you are so young, aren't you afraid you both will change as you get older?" I remember responding that I knew we would change. I fully expected us to. But that if you focus on loving each other and changing together, that change can make your marriage better, and even great.

When I said that, I didn't really know what I was saying. But I can say that now I know that it is true. The changes have been subtle, but after five years those subtle little steps have become huge strides. I didn't wake up one morning and have a whole new different husband. But I realized during that dinner that he was different, and in review of our life together I saw how it all came together to make who he was right now.  

Trevor and I are individuals, but we are also married. I know that Trevor and I will continue to change as we get older and something I have learned in this short time together is how important communication with your spouse is. If you don't communicate and express all your thoughts and desires with your spouse, you could wake up one day and not know who your spouse is. Communication will make your marriage stronger.

As we walked hand in hand back to the car that night, I realized that with just one conversation we made our marriage stronger. And it is conversations like that, that build up your marriage into something great. When you can strengthen each other individually, it makes the two of you a stronger unit. And I am so thankful that I have someone like that to call my husband.




28 comments

  1. You are so right! Change is expected and can be a good thing. Like you said it's just important to change and grow together and communicate. Happy 5 year anniversary!

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  2. I love this. My husband and I just hit one year, so we are nowhere near you guys, but you couldn't have said it better. In just one year I have seen how we changed, but like you said, we change together.

    xo Jessica

    jessicajeanw.blogspot.com

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  3. This was beautifully written! It's very true, change is expected. I'm not sure everyone realizes that when going into a relationship or marriage. You're so right when you said communication is important because it is! Happy anniversary!!

    xo
    Rachel

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  4. great post. i also got married young and celebrated my 4 year wedding anniversary earlier this year. i think your twenties are probably when you change the most, so this is what makes marrying young tricky. but in the end, worth it.

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  5. Aw, this is an amazing post! Happy 5 years!

    :)
    Carrie
    http://readmylifeascarrie.blogspot.com/

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  6. This is a great post. Fantastic views on change -Hanna Lei

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  7. I definitely think it's okay (and important!) to change, as long as you change together. :)

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  8. That is so true! Marriage is not about staying in love with the same person, but staying in love with the person who is growing and changing next to us. :)

    xo,
    Ana Paula
    {Visit me at Mommyhood, PhD}

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  9. This is so true. The hubs and I just got married and, being fairly young, I heard "but you both will change so much...just wait" so often. So amen to this post and happy anniversary!

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  10. You are so sweet, love this post!! Happy marriage. Happy LOVE!!!

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  11. I love every word of this Alycia! Too many couples bash one another and rarely experience the pleasures of a personal, in-depth conversation. It is four years for us also and I can proudly say he is my best friend. Communication is key and will keep the heartbeat of marriage going strong.
    Blessings,
    Jacy
    http://www.jacyleepulford. com

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  12. WOW CONGRATS, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. WISH YOU MANY MANY MORE YEARS OF HAPPINESS.

    XO, Adropofbliss.com

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  13. people would tell me that too, and I would say that it's okay to grow up as long as we grow together and not apart :p

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  14. This is a beautiful and toching post!
    I don't remember what other people told us before or after we got married. Probably nothing...
    But back when we were dating we made a deal that we will both grow and work on getting the best we can together.

    Conversation is an enormous part of being together. Without it the connection just fades away.... and then you become more like neighbours =))))

    I always look at my husband thinking how much he differs from what he was like when we were dating.... But it's still him... And I love him more and more every day...

    Sorry for always having this long comments =))))

    Natasha

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  15. Such a great post. Looking back on my own relationship I can see we've both changed. We have both changed for the better and we are now even closer.

    Gemma x

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  16. I really like these thoughts! I also got married fairly young, and I know I've already done a lot of "growing up" since marriage...but I always thought that was a good thing! I looked forward to, and still do, the process of growing up with my husband!

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  17. Happy 5 years! You are so right that change happens...sometimes good and sometimes bad, but all in all you grow together and shape one another.

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  18. I can relate to this more than you know. I married young, too, and we are so different than before. It's a little scary but exciting. I think I'm actually a completely different person, and law school happened and my husband is definitely a different person.

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  19. This is great to read as someone who has been married two months! We are both mid-twenties, but I know there are a lot of life changes that will come. I love hearing that it's all going to be ok if we focus on being together. :)

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  20. This is 100% true! Happy 5 years of being together and 4 years of marriage :-)

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  21. Love the post, happy anniversary to you 5 years is pretty good hope you have more great years to come

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  22. Happy 5 years to the both of you! <3

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  23. I love this post. I once read an article that said something along the lines of "marriage is simply learning to re-fall in love with the stranger you chose to be with." It sounds a bit pessimistic maybe, but it really is a process of "getting to know" your person for a lifetime. And if you've picked the right person, it is interesting and thrilling to do the whole thing all over again.

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